you wont beat me!

Shattered and worn out, limp and useless
Pain, pleasure, discomfort.
I know I should feel something, anything.
Anything would be better than this void right now.

Just so sad, and tired.
Tired of putting up a face each day
Tired of making sure everyone else is ok,
Just so sick and tired of feeling so sad all the time.

I try to let people know just how low I have got.
I want to scream at them to “see me! Please just look”.
I want to reach out and say I need help
Yet I stay quiet too ashamed to say help.

I have moments, glimmers really of what happiness is
I wish they would stay, but I hope in vain.
Those moments are rare and almost teasing in their very nature.

I think I should be punished and so I just let the blackness settle over me.
It is almost comforting, like it has become a soft fluffy quilt.

I am almost too afraid to seek that help now,
But I will.
Because you see my arch enemy, my ever constant companion,
You may of dragged me down low this time
But I will never let you win.