Shattered and worn out, limp and useless
Pain, pleasure, discomfort.
I know I should feel something, anything.
Anything would be better than this void right now.
Just so sad, and tired.
Tired of putting up a face each day
Tired of making sure everyone else is ok,
Just so sick and tired of feeling so sad all the time.
I try to let people know just how low I have got.
I want to scream at them to “see me! Please just look”.
I want to reach out and say I need help
Yet I stay quiet too ashamed to say help.
I have moments, glimmers really of what happiness is
I wish they would stay, but I hope in vain.
Those moments are rare and almost teasing in their very nature.
I think I should be punished and so I just let the blackness settle over me.
It is almost comforting, like it has become a soft fluffy quilt.
I am almost too afraid to seek that help now,
But I will.
Because you see my arch enemy, my ever constant companion,
You may of dragged me down low this time
But I will never let you win.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Struggling
Well I am really struggling at the moment. I know I have to go back to the GP and get sorted out on my meds again. At the moment I am soo annoyed with my family for being the last straw. But I guess it was bound to happen anyway so i cant blame them for that... I can however blame them for being mean and nasty and totally disrespectful to myself and worse my kids.
Still struggling with the lads illness and once again he has a nasty chest infection. It never seems to end with these bugs with him. I know it cant be much fun for him either, but man I am just so tired. I feel like the bad guy everyday with him forcing him to go to school when i know if it were any other kids they would stay home, its just that he is sick so often he has missed too much already.
It was my 15th wedding anniverary yesterday, the bright spot of my week. I texted hubby several times early in the morning saying how the years have flown and how lucky he was that he married me lol at 9am he called me to wish me happy anniversary and pretended to be shocked and pleasantly surprised that he remembered lol. he bought me home a beautiful bunch of flowers.... only the 4th time since i have known him that he has given me flowers so in 18 years thats pretty darn special. we had takeaway chinese for dinner.. the kids had chickentreat hehe. it was a nice evening hubby even stayed up till 7pm whoo hoo what rebels we are lol.
Still struggling with the lads illness and once again he has a nasty chest infection. It never seems to end with these bugs with him. I know it cant be much fun for him either, but man I am just so tired. I feel like the bad guy everyday with him forcing him to go to school when i know if it were any other kids they would stay home, its just that he is sick so often he has missed too much already.
It was my 15th wedding anniverary yesterday, the bright spot of my week. I texted hubby several times early in the morning saying how the years have flown and how lucky he was that he married me lol at 9am he called me to wish me happy anniversary and pretended to be shocked and pleasantly surprised that he remembered lol. he bought me home a beautiful bunch of flowers.... only the 4th time since i have known him that he has given me flowers so in 18 years thats pretty darn special. we had takeaway chinese for dinner.. the kids had chickentreat hehe. it was a nice evening hubby even stayed up till 7pm whoo hoo what rebels we are lol.
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